I'm on the journey to become a software engineer, and I've encountered something called 'Imposter Syndrome'. Interestingly, it's not exclusive to computer science; I've felt like an imposter throughout my life, even changing my name multiple times. Now settled with a name that blends my birth name and a personal choice, I find myself grappling with this imposter feeling. Google defines impostor syndrome as the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.

Imposter syndrome can be deeply ingrained, especially for those who never feel good enough, fearing that others will discover their worthlessness. I find myself in this situation, constantly worried that someone - be it my boss, partner, or anyone else - will expose my perceived inadequacies.

It's interesting to note that some experience imposter syndrome at work but not in their personal lives. For them, it might be a fear of changing jobs or some external factor that induces a feeling of helplessness. On the other hand, there are those, like me, who attribute their imposter syndrome to childhood trauma. This isn't a self-pity post; it's more of a realization and an attempt to alleviate some stress.

I only recently identified my issue as imposter syndrome; for years, I thought it was just me dealing with the aftermath of how I was raised. I've been fighting this feeling my entire life. In the movie 'Pretty Woman,' Julia Roberts mentions something along the lines of "if someone tells you something long enough, you begin to believe them." While I'm not sure if it's a direct quote, I recommend watching the movie if you haven't.

From birth, I can't recall a single positive comment from my mother. She constantly labeled me as stupid and ignorant. The only exception was Mr. Stewart, my history teacher, who gave me a chance to prove myself. In his class, he offered $10 to anyone who passed a quiz the next day, and to my surprise, he chose me. Despite being the quiet kid in the back, I got an A. That day, I realized I could prove my mother wrong.

I was among those lost within the educational system, merely being pushed along. Ironically, it felt more like a safe haven than an actual place of education. Fast forward to adulthood, I successfully passed the GED on my first attempt, achieving A's in both undergraduate and graduate classes.

However, despite these accomplishments, I found myself in a paradoxical situation, marrying someone who mirrored my mother's conviction that I was unintelligent. It appears to be a recurring cycle, one we unwittingly become entangled in due to our ingrained belief that we're not worthy.

While I wish I could say I've got everything together, the truth is, I don't. In fact, it's been getting worse since I embarked on the journey to become a software engineer. I'm in a constant battle against that imposter feeling, but at least now, I know it's partly because I'm still learning the material.

Sharing my story is an attempt to help others realize that occasional self-doubt is normal, but for people like me, deeper work is required to heal. Naming the issue has made me feel less alone, a strange but welcomed sensation.

I'll start with five tips I learned from a video by Barbara Heffernan, LCSW. One of them I already practice without issues.

• Look at the evidence and keep an evidence file: Write down undeniable achievements like good grades or praise from your boss.
• Take a compliment seriously: Avoid deflecting compliments with jokes. Acknowledge and appreciate them.
• Practice saying 'I don't know': Embrace the admission of not knowing; it's okay. Ask questions to understand better.
• Acknowledge that you are comparing your inside to others' outside: We can't read minds, and others might feel the same way. Don't compare yourself, as everyone wears a mask.
• Calm yourself down in the moment: Try techniques like diaphragmatic breathing. It surprised me how effective it was when I tried it while writing this post.

I hope my story helps you realize that what might be going on with you or a friend happens to many people. These tips are a starting point, but seeking professional help or talking to a friend is crucial. Give yourself grace and become your own cheerleader.

While I'm good at being everyone else's cheerleader, I barely acknowledge my accomplishments. So, lets start by being our own cheerleader.